Well, it's been a while since the last update. Not much new to report. Dunno if I mentioned in an earlier post or not but I now have a weekly job as a karaoke DJ. It's fun to do and gets me some extra pocket money and is actually relevant to what I am about to say next...
Today I am reactivating my Facebook account. I know, it's only been off for 2 months, hell I was expecting it to be off for almost a year. The reason it's going back on is so I can increase my karaoke following. I'm going to try and friend as many people as I can from karaoke and then I can send them invites to future shows.
The crazy part in all this, I'm actually apprehensive about turning the account back on. How stupid is this? Its just a stupid website. Did it affect me that damn much? Sometimes I think I need to see a shrink or something about my whole Facebook addiction and fear bullshit. I turned it off because I needed to re-invent myself. Well i haven't exactly done that. Sure I've dropped about 25 pounds, but that's it. There have been no major changes in my life. I haven't found my dream career or started a family or gone back to school or anything like that. Once I mentioned that I believed that this was my life, it wasn't going to change, and there was nothing I could do to change it. Any chances of change and improvement were gone. That ship had sailed. I'm almost 40 and this is it for me. Maybe it's true and I just need to accept it.
Anyway, I am going to reactivate Facebook. I just have to remember that the main reason is for the karaoke and try not to get sucked into everything that was depressing me in the first place. Can I do that?
We'll see ......
Oh, on the weight front, I currently weigh 274 pounds.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
not much happening
Wow. Haven't posted in a while. But that's only because there is nothing new to report. This whole reinvention idea seems to have come a halt at the moment. All I do I work my job and sleep. I eat on occasion but only because i have to.
BTW, My weight is down to 272 pounds. That's 25 total pounds lost.
*sigh* I've been off Facebook for almost 2 whole months. Why does it feel like so much more time has passed? And why the hell do I care? I tell you why, because I miss it, that's why. It's like isolating yourself from the entire damn world. Most of the time I feel like a frickin' hermit!
Such thoughts cannot be healthy.
BTW, My weight is down to 272 pounds. That's 25 total pounds lost.
*sigh* I've been off Facebook for almost 2 whole months. Why does it feel like so much more time has passed? And why the hell do I care? I tell you why, because I miss it, that's why. It's like isolating yourself from the entire damn world. Most of the time I feel like a frickin' hermit!
Such thoughts cannot be healthy.
Friday, March 9, 2012
One month later
Well folks, it's almost been one whole month since this blog began and one month and two days since I shut off my Facebook account. How am I feeling? Not a whole lot different then I did a month ago.
I've been more or less successful in my health endeavors. I gained one pound since last week so I'm at 276 right now. Not to bad. So I am feeling healthier and have more energy then I used to. I think the job is also playing a part in that.
Lessee, what else .... oh yeah, the college thing. Nothing going on there. I have to wait until the taxes get done so I can fill out the FASA form again for this year. Truth be told though I'm having doubts now about going back to school. I dunno. Maybe it's because I'm almost 40. Not feeling confident that I can do the school thing again. In the back of my mind I keep thinking I should be focusing on the music again. I keep thinking that's where I should be.... on a stage, entertaining people.
I really got nothing else to put here. I did just this for the small update and to try to keep this thing somewhat consistent. So that's it for now. Keep the faith!
I've been more or less successful in my health endeavors. I gained one pound since last week so I'm at 276 right now. Not to bad. So I am feeling healthier and have more energy then I used to. I think the job is also playing a part in that.
Lessee, what else .... oh yeah, the college thing. Nothing going on there. I have to wait until the taxes get done so I can fill out the FASA form again for this year. Truth be told though I'm having doubts now about going back to school. I dunno. Maybe it's because I'm almost 40. Not feeling confident that I can do the school thing again. In the back of my mind I keep thinking I should be focusing on the music again. I keep thinking that's where I should be.... on a stage, entertaining people.
I really got nothing else to put here. I did just this for the small update and to try to keep this thing somewhat consistent. So that's it for now. Keep the faith!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday weigh in on Wednesday ... again!
I dunno what he point of having a weekly weigh in on Tuesday is gonna do for me if I keep forgetting to weigh myself until Wednesday.
Anyway ....
Last week was 277
this week ... 275! Back on track! :)
Anyway ....
Last week was 277
this week ... 275! Back on track! :)
Friday, February 24, 2012
Doubt ...
so last night, I attempted to help my sis in law with some calculus homework ... short story, I failed miserably.
dunno if I should beat myself over this or not. I mean, I haven't done anything remotely similar to calculus in over 12 years. I think that was in my previous life when I was an Embry Riddle student. Sometimes I have trouble remembering who that guy was and what the hell he was thinking. *LOL*
So where does doubt fit in? Right smack in the middle of my attempt at a BS degree. If I can't remember thing 1 about calculus 1, can i even bother to try for an engineering degree? Granted this isn't like an aerospace engineering degree. As I understand it those guys are more in touch with engineering theory, and the thing I'm considering, Electrical Engineering Tech, focuses more on the practical engineering. In other words, the aerospace guys think it up, I make it work. When i started this whole app process for the degree I asked the guy who is now my adviser about the math thing. Specifically the calculus. Was I going to need a refresher course or something? He said I wouldn't because I was going to pursue practical application of engineering and not theory. I suppose that should make me feel better but it kinda doesn't.
I'm probably worrying myself over nothing once again. Wouldn't be the first time. *L*
Part of that worry is I think I am putting my all or nothing into this degree idea and if I don't do it, then I officially write off my life as a failure and live with it.
Even though this blog is only a few weeks old, and I'm pretty sure no one is reading, I'm considering letting some people I know read it just to get SOME kind of feedback. But I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. Some may understand what I am writing here. Others I know will look at this as foolish and stupid. Maybe that's how I find out who my real friends and supporters are?
Here's something weird.... Even though I haven't been off Facebook for a whole month yet, it feels like a whole lot more time has past. What's with that? I almost gave into weakness and reactivated the account a few days ago. I used to laugh at stories about Facebook and Internet addiction. That was until I realized I was one of those addicts.
Maybe I DO need to speak to someone about it ......
dunno if I should beat myself over this or not. I mean, I haven't done anything remotely similar to calculus in over 12 years. I think that was in my previous life when I was an Embry Riddle student. Sometimes I have trouble remembering who that guy was and what the hell he was thinking. *LOL*
So where does doubt fit in? Right smack in the middle of my attempt at a BS degree. If I can't remember thing 1 about calculus 1, can i even bother to try for an engineering degree? Granted this isn't like an aerospace engineering degree. As I understand it those guys are more in touch with engineering theory, and the thing I'm considering, Electrical Engineering Tech, focuses more on the practical engineering. In other words, the aerospace guys think it up, I make it work. When i started this whole app process for the degree I asked the guy who is now my adviser about the math thing. Specifically the calculus. Was I going to need a refresher course or something? He said I wouldn't because I was going to pursue practical application of engineering and not theory. I suppose that should make me feel better but it kinda doesn't.
I'm probably worrying myself over nothing once again. Wouldn't be the first time. *L*
Part of that worry is I think I am putting my all or nothing into this degree idea and if I don't do it, then I officially write off my life as a failure and live with it.
Even though this blog is only a few weeks old, and I'm pretty sure no one is reading, I'm considering letting some people I know read it just to get SOME kind of feedback. But I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. Some may understand what I am writing here. Others I know will look at this as foolish and stupid. Maybe that's how I find out who my real friends and supporters are?
Here's something weird.... Even though I haven't been off Facebook for a whole month yet, it feels like a whole lot more time has past. What's with that? I almost gave into weakness and reactivated the account a few days ago. I used to laugh at stories about Facebook and Internet addiction. That was until I realized I was one of those addicts.
Maybe I DO need to speak to someone about it ......
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Tuesday weigh in
Well, the Tuesday weigh in actually happened on Wednesday, but I forgot to post about it until today, which is Thursday ....... yeah ....
anyhoo, went the wrong way it seems.
Last weigh in: 273 lbs
Tuesday: 277 lbs
whoops
anyhoo, went the wrong way it seems.
Last weigh in: 273 lbs
Tuesday: 277 lbs
whoops
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Regrets, I've had a few
This post I'd like to take the time to talk about regrets.
I have three regrets in life. Two of them will be discussed here. The third one at a later date when and if I am ever ready to share it with the world.
Regret Number 1: I never truly studied the martial arts.
I started training in karate when I was 10 years old. My dad was my sensei. Now upon hearing this most people would think I had a sweet deal here, having a dad that was an instructor, and they're right. The problem I had was I was too young and immature to understand what the training was all about, so I stopped at the age of 12. The other issue was that at the time I stopped, dad was off working in another state and one of the other students was teaching the classes. Long story short, I didn't like the way he ran the classes so I stopped going. Sometimes I think that started a trend of me not finishing things. When I look back there are many things I started doing that I never finished or finished at a much later date after I pretty much forced myself to finish them. Probably save those for a future entry if I feel like it's necessary.
So yeah, I gave it up. Dumbest thing I ever did I think. Well maybe not THE dumbest but it definitely ranks up there. Recently I've been looking for some other way to train as a way to make it up to myself but it is difficult. So many karate schools are there strictly for the money it is hard to find a decent school. Some of them are what is referred to as "belt factories" where they run people up the ranks as quickly as possible. Definitely something I'd change about my past if I was ever given that chance.
Regret Number 2: I (virtually) gave up music!
When I was in high school I was a musician. I could play the baritone, the tuba, and the trombone. I could also kinda play the trumpet if I really worked at it. By my senior year, playing music took up the majority of my time. I was in every music group the school had, except the choir. I was the marching band drum major for two years. The jazz band I was in was ranked among the best in the state of New Jersey. It almost seemed like a no-brainer that I would continue to pursue music after high school. But, no.
When I was getting close to graduation and it was time to choose colleges and all that, I met with the guidance counselor. I don;t recall exactly what we talked about but I must have mentioned continuing to pursue music after high school. What I DO remember, was being told that it was virtually impossible to make a career and a living in the music world. I didn't know what to say. Here I was being told that the one thing I enjoyed more then anything else in life was going to have to be given up. If I was going to go to college I had to pick a "practical" career and that college was something that I "had to do" if I was going to have any kind of future.
This is the part where we all collectively say, "BULLSHIT!!" College was a huge cluster-fuck. I was in schools for almost 10 years and all I walked away with was an AS degree in Computer Networking. Big freakin' deal. Later I got another AS in Graphic Arts but never went anywhere with that so that was a huge waste of my time and money. Now I am thousands in debt and have nothing to show for it. I've been told that most likely I won't have a career based on my college major. Well then what the hell was the fucking point?!? The first person to give me that bullshit about being "well rounded" gets a boot to the head.
Anyway, within the last decade I learned that it sure as hell COULD have made a career as a musician. I may not have been stinking rich at but I could have made some kind of living out of it and not to toot my own horn ( no pun intended) but I WAS that good! Seriously, I could play three instruments, almost a dozen different styles of music, and I could play almost anything that was put in front of me within a few minutes of looking it over. Today I play the harmonica. I was in a band from 2001 to 2005. I played almost every weekend and as part of a headline act at Bike Week and Biketoberfest. I would never claim to have been incredibly popular, but every so often I'd run into someone who knew who I was and what I did. For the last four years I've been part of a harmonica contest here in New Smyrna Beach and for a while I was occasionally going to jam sessions and open mic nights again.
But it's not enough! I need more music in my life. It's been hard to go out and jam with the job I have now. It requires a lot of early morning and overnight shifts. Actually those are the ONLY kind of shifts they have. Maybe that is what I need to focus on for this re-invention of mine. Truth be told I think I am at my happiest when I'm playing music in front of a crowd.
Well that's it, my two biggest regrets in life. May not sound like anything too serious to most people but they are my regrets and they matter to me. Number three is a biggie to me as well, but as I've said I'm not ready to share it just yet. Maybe someday I will. We'll see.
I have three regrets in life. Two of them will be discussed here. The third one at a later date when and if I am ever ready to share it with the world.
Regret Number 1: I never truly studied the martial arts.
I started training in karate when I was 10 years old. My dad was my sensei. Now upon hearing this most people would think I had a sweet deal here, having a dad that was an instructor, and they're right. The problem I had was I was too young and immature to understand what the training was all about, so I stopped at the age of 12. The other issue was that at the time I stopped, dad was off working in another state and one of the other students was teaching the classes. Long story short, I didn't like the way he ran the classes so I stopped going. Sometimes I think that started a trend of me not finishing things. When I look back there are many things I started doing that I never finished or finished at a much later date after I pretty much forced myself to finish them. Probably save those for a future entry if I feel like it's necessary.
So yeah, I gave it up. Dumbest thing I ever did I think. Well maybe not THE dumbest but it definitely ranks up there. Recently I've been looking for some other way to train as a way to make it up to myself but it is difficult. So many karate schools are there strictly for the money it is hard to find a decent school. Some of them are what is referred to as "belt factories" where they run people up the ranks as quickly as possible. Definitely something I'd change about my past if I was ever given that chance.
Regret Number 2: I (virtually) gave up music!
When I was in high school I was a musician. I could play the baritone, the tuba, and the trombone. I could also kinda play the trumpet if I really worked at it. By my senior year, playing music took up the majority of my time. I was in every music group the school had, except the choir. I was the marching band drum major for two years. The jazz band I was in was ranked among the best in the state of New Jersey. It almost seemed like a no-brainer that I would continue to pursue music after high school. But, no.
When I was getting close to graduation and it was time to choose colleges and all that, I met with the guidance counselor. I don;t recall exactly what we talked about but I must have mentioned continuing to pursue music after high school. What I DO remember, was being told that it was virtually impossible to make a career and a living in the music world. I didn't know what to say. Here I was being told that the one thing I enjoyed more then anything else in life was going to have to be given up. If I was going to go to college I had to pick a "practical" career and that college was something that I "had to do" if I was going to have any kind of future.
This is the part where we all collectively say, "BULLSHIT!!" College was a huge cluster-fuck. I was in schools for almost 10 years and all I walked away with was an AS degree in Computer Networking. Big freakin' deal. Later I got another AS in Graphic Arts but never went anywhere with that so that was a huge waste of my time and money. Now I am thousands in debt and have nothing to show for it. I've been told that most likely I won't have a career based on my college major. Well then what the hell was the fucking point?!? The first person to give me that bullshit about being "well rounded" gets a boot to the head.
Anyway, within the last decade I learned that it sure as hell COULD have made a career as a musician. I may not have been stinking rich at but I could have made some kind of living out of it and not to toot my own horn ( no pun intended) but I WAS that good! Seriously, I could play three instruments, almost a dozen different styles of music, and I could play almost anything that was put in front of me within a few minutes of looking it over. Today I play the harmonica. I was in a band from 2001 to 2005. I played almost every weekend and as part of a headline act at Bike Week and Biketoberfest. I would never claim to have been incredibly popular, but every so often I'd run into someone who knew who I was and what I did. For the last four years I've been part of a harmonica contest here in New Smyrna Beach and for a while I was occasionally going to jam sessions and open mic nights again.
But it's not enough! I need more music in my life. It's been hard to go out and jam with the job I have now. It requires a lot of early morning and overnight shifts. Actually those are the ONLY kind of shifts they have. Maybe that is what I need to focus on for this re-invention of mine. Truth be told I think I am at my happiest when I'm playing music in front of a crowd.
Well that's it, my two biggest regrets in life. May not sound like anything too serious to most people but they are my regrets and they matter to me. Number three is a biggie to me as well, but as I've said I'm not ready to share it just yet. Maybe someday I will. We'll see.
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